Scientist at the World Tennis Federation institute have now identified that to help you win your next tennis match, you must play some really loud music before you go on court. WTF scientists recommend you buy yourself some decent headphones – the big kind not the small ones that go in your ear – and get ready to blast yourself mental with some loud music. As we all know, loud banging music will get your heart pumping, your mind racing and focused into a zone where you will just want to WIN WIN WIN. Some gentile tennis players may not…
Author: editor
Question – What’s Up WTF – I need some help cause the other day my tennis partner passed out drunk on court. I really did not know what to do. This is not the first time she has done this and probably won’t be the last. So next time when she does pass out on court, what should I do. Thanks Danny. Answer – Hi Danny, thanks for your message. Getting drunk on court is bad enough, but also passing out is even more serious. Does this woman have no self respect. Not only is she putting her life in…
Many people see images on foxes on wildlife programmes as cuddly and fluffy lovely animals. However, what most viewers don’t realise is that foxes have a dark secret – “they love to poo on tennis courts”. Over the past 20 years the WTF has contacted every single tennis club in Great Britain that has outdoor tennis courts and asked them the following 2 questions: do you have foxes defecating at your tennis club? where exactly do the foxes defecate? The results of the WTF survey show that 92% of all foxes defecate on the tennis clubs actual tennis courts and…
So you lost a tennis match! So what – get over it! Running off court and crying your eyes out won’t change the result. You lost, suck it up and move on. If you want to be a tennis champion or at least win some matches, then crying won’t solve it. No one cares. People only like winners. However, if you win Wimbledon – that is a different story. You can cry as much as you like – people love a happy ending. Here at the WTF tennis training academy we have a simple slogan “crying is for losers”. However,…
Researchers at the World Tennis Federation have looked into the phenomenon of why old people are such bad line callers in tennis. WTF researchers interviewed over 10,000 old people who play tennis to find out what factors result in their bad line calling. The results were very similar with most of the old people interviewed. These being; bad eye sight refusing to wear their glasses on court hatred of their opponents bearing a grudge going back to 1977 too much chianti the night before forgetting the rules of tennis So if you do have to play an old person…
Every year tennis authorities around the world launch new campaigns to get more people to play tennis. These campaigns waste millions of dollars and never result in any genuine long term increase in tennis participation anywhere in the world. But for those of us who are die hard tennis players, we know why we love to play tennis week in week out. It’s not just the tennis – it’s all about the alcohol afterwards. This fact has been known every since tennis was invented, but the tennis authorities don’t wish to acknowledge that tennis players love to have a drink…
If you watch the news this week you will see a news report that tells you “the murder rate is going up” – “knife crime is soaring” – “gun deaths is out of control”. Every week we are being told not to step outside our front doors, because we are most likely going to get killed by some deranged nutter. Well luckily there is one place on earth where you can go and the likelihood of getting killed is just about zero. That place is a tennis court. The World Tennis Federation census team contacted over 4 million tennis clubs…
In the sleepy village of Chipping Down, Dorset – on the English south coast – there is today a world first – all of their floodlights for their tennis courts are powered by faeces. Chipping Down LTC decided 2 years ago to do their bit for the environment, by investing over £700,000 in this new technology from Sweden. As we all know, faeces has enormous amounts of stored energy – and what better way to help the planet than by turning faeces into energy to play tennis at night. The system for turning faeces into electricity was developed by the…
This is the number one question in tennis – was the ball in or out? Bad line calls can lead to big arguments, accusations of cheating and even violence. So it is vital for the world of tennis that we all get to learn if a tennis ball is IN or if it is OUT. To assist you with this troublesome dilemma, shown above is a photo of a tennis ball and the position it landed on a tennis court. There are 2 possible answers – it is either A – IN or B – OUT See below for the…
Shocking news today at the WTF news headquarters, where we have learnt of the sudden death of an up and coming top female tennis player being killed on court after being hit with a tennis ball. Stefanie Hitsolva was pronounced dead at the Altea International Tennis Tournament in Spain today. Her next of kin have been contacted to inform them of her sudden and tragic death. WTF top journalist Richard Shatner has been on site to bring WTF the latest news on how this unfortunate lady lost her life. William had to stay “according to witnesses at this prestigious tennis…