Author: Admin

Dear WTF – Can you tell me if French people play tennis? Thanks Francois. Yes Francois, lots of French people play tennis. Some are very good at it. If you are thinking of playing tennis in France just remember that local laws insist you bring a fresh baguette with you every time you play tennis.

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Question – Can I bring my scary dog to a tennis match? Best regards Vincent Answer – Yes Vincent, we at the WTF recommend you do bring your scary dog to your next tennis match. In fact if your dog also looks slightly rabid this will be even better. The dog will have a negative psychological effect on your opponent and should help you to win the match – not matter what standard you are.

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Tennis is normally seen as a healthy pursuit, but sometimes tennis can be bad for your health. In March 2018 – 96 year old Maggie McSporan was playing tennis at her local tennis club outside Aberdeen In Scotland, when she suffered a total loss of vision. Maggie told our Scotland tennis reporter that “I have played tennis for 97 years at my local Aberdeen tennis club without any health issues. Then today when i played tennis I ended up going blind.” Asked by our reporter Tommy Cracklow, how she went blind when playing tennis – Maggie replied “my opponent hit…

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Earlier today Dominic Stewart was thrown out of the London clay court international tennis tournament after it was found he was using sports enhancing drinks whilst playing a second round singles match. Officials from the WTF could not believe that Dominic Stewart (who is ranked 932 in the world) was able to beat the world number 3 in just 27 minutes. The final score was 6-0 / 6-1. Officials became suspicious when in the post match interview all Dominic could say to the camera was “yeah man, I was so wired it was amazing, yeah man, real, really, yeah yeah,…

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It has been announced that tennis is to be banned in certain parts of the USA from today. At a meeting last night in the local council hall for Old Bobs County in Alabama, a vote was held with 12 to 4 voting in favour that tennis should be banned. Even though this ban would only apply in Old Bobs County, there is fear amongst the tennis authorities that this ban could soon spread to other local counties and even USA states. You might be wondering why would anyone want to ban tennis? Well the reasons given by Mayor Chuck…

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Female tennis players often experience ‘tennis vagina’ due to the hot sweaty air between their legs which causes their genitals to enter ‘sticky mode’, according to pseudo-experts. Health professionals at the World Tennis Federation revealed how ‘tennis vagina’ can be exacerbated by playing tennis, and it can make sex pretty painful as well. Camilla Kunk, Pseudo Health Expert of the World Tennis Federation said: “Tennis vagina refers to the female genitalia getting hot and sweaty due to the running around on a tennis court, which causes the issue of vaginal stickiness. Apparently a lack of fresh air blowing between a…

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The World Tennis Federation today confirmed that all tennis coaches will need to be fully vaccinated with 2 suppositories or they will be sacked. Despite warnings that ‘no suppository means no job’, this could see an exodus of up to 100,000 tennis coaches and cripple the tennis industry. Announcing the new policy, the World Tennis Federation said it was the ‘honourable thing to do’ of every tennis coach to have their 2 suppositories ASAP if they did not want to lose their jobs. All tennis coaches who come into contact with tennis players, will be required to have both suppositories…

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It is reported 100 police officers were slightly injured during clashes with crowds who were intent on causing chaos at an anti tennis demonstration yesterday. The police federation later confirmed that none of the injuries were serious and most police officers had only suffered a few bruises and sweaty hands. Police made 2 arrests for a variety of nonsense offences as they ‘worked hard to minimise disorder and take action against those intent on causing chaos and trickery’. Police officers said they remained professional at all times despite being continuously provoked by a bunch of tennis hating crusties. At no…

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Colombia has become the first country in the world to approve a tennis pill that claims to be a potential game changer in the fight against useless tennis players. The pill is called ‘Boturkrep’, has been authorized by the World Tennis Federation for use in people who are useless at tennis. The World Tennis Federation has reported good results from the use of this new pill. The claim is that this pill will get pathetic tennis players to improve their game within a matter of days. Already tennis players around the world have started ordering this pill over the internet…

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A patient at the Thunderberg General Hospital in Trontheim has recently come out of a coma after 244 days only to reveal she had a very long bad nightmare — she thought she was a tennis player with a bad forehand. Janice Goplin had been on a ventilator for 244 days after collapsing whilst eating fish and chips at home. Doctors did not think Janice would survive the ordeal. However, the mum of six children did not die — and as soon as she woke up, Janice started telling hospital staff about the very strange dream she had. Janice said…

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