The WTF have undertaken some research to find out if young children actually like going to play tennis and the results will shock you. 95% of 5 year olds told the WTF they actually HATE TENNIS !
The WTF interviewed more than 27 children to uncover the shocking truth that they would prefer not to be on a tennis court and would prefer to be at home watching the TV.
Forced Into Tennis
The WTF undertook this investigation after a 5 year old whistleblower who we shall call “Timothy” – told the WTF that he was “forced against his will” to go and have some tennis lessons.
“Timothy” told the WTF in secret that – “last Saturday morning I was watching Sponge Bob in my pants, when suddenly my daddy came in and told me I was going to play tennis with some other children at the local tennis club.”
“I was shocked” said Timothy – “I was rudely forced to take off my jim jams and put on some horrible shorts and t-shirt – I looked like what my daddy wears on Sunday when he goes to play sweaty football – I don’t want to be like daddy, he smells”
Hurty Hand Syndrome
Timothy showed the WTF his hand and said that after he had played some tennis his started to suffer from what doctors call “hurty hand syndrome”. “My hand was very sore, I don’t like tennis. Even when I press hard with crayons my hand does not hurt this much.”
Loads Of Other Kids Suffer
Millions of other kids told the WTF how much they hate tennis. Below are some of their statements (we have changed their names to something else)
Child number 7 – “tennis is poo – a big poo”
Left handed child – “can i go home now”
Twin sister no.1 – “my sisters pants smell when she plays tennis”
Precocious child – “i shouldn’t be here – i should be at Oxford reading Latin before I go travelling in India”
Spoilt child – “nanny pick the ball up for me”
So Who Is To Blame
To help cut this crisis out of society and allow 5 year olds to have an enjoyable Saturday morning, the WTF asked every child they could find – how is to blame?
The number one answer was – “it’s my daddy, he made me play this stupid game – I want my mummy”