Author: editor

Shocking news today at the WTF news headquarters, where we have learnt of the sudden death of an up and coming top female tennis player being killed on court after being hit with a tennis ball. Stefanie Hitsolva was pronounced dead at the Altea International Tennis Tournament in Spain today. Her next of kin have been contacted to inform them of her sudden and tragic death. WTF top journalist Richard Shatner has been on site to bring WTF the latest news on how this unfortunate lady lost her life. William had to stay “according to witnesses at this prestigious tennis…

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Early this morning Typhoon Teetzup has made landfall just outside Tokyo, with the result that not many people will be able to play tennis this afternoon. The Japanese Typhoon Forecasting Bureau estimates that winds will reach over 250 miles an hour today, as Typoon Teetzup causes havoc at tennis clubs all around Tokyo and Yokohama. Our local news reporter in Tokyo – Kuniko Kupazoop – ventured out to interview Tokyo tennis players, to see how they were coping in these very trying conditions. Mr Sarki Sandweech-San of Chiba tennis club told us – “Yes, I went out to play my…

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Over the past 200 years, there have been many different rating schemes for tennis. Following 20 years of research the World Tennis Federation has come to the conclusion that all these rating schemes were useless. To encourage more people to play tennis and have a fun time – the World Tennis Federation has come up with a new tennis rating scheme which is guaranteed to produce world class tennis players. The WTF’s vision is to not open up tennis to more people. The aim is get rid of useless and poor tennis players, thus making tennis even more of an…

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Sad news to report today is the closing of a local tennis club just outside Brisbane, Australia. The Sentinal Tennis Club went into bankruptcy today at 4pm and will not be re-opening any time soon. But, why did it go bust. The answer it seems is the tennis club failed to buy any new tennis balls for its members. 18 months ago the committee at the Sentinal Tennis Club decided they wished to recycle as much as they could to “save the planet”. They realised that the number one thing that goes to waste at a tennis club are the…

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So you lost a tennis match! So what – get over it! Running off court and crying your eyes out won’t change the result. You lost, suck it up and move on. If you want to be a tennis champion or at least win some matches, then crying won’t solve it. No one cares. People only like winners. However, if you win Wimbledon – that is a different story. You can cry as much as you like – people love a happy ending. Here at the WTF tennis training academy we have a simple slogan “crying is for losers”. However,…

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Question – What’s Up WTF – I need some help cause the other day my tennis partner passed out drunk on court. I really did not know what to do. This is not the first time she has done this and probably won’t be the last. So next time when she does pass out on court, what should I do. Thanks Danny. Answer – Hi Danny, thanks for your message. Getting drunk on court is bad enough, but also passing out is even more serious. Does this woman have no self respect. Not only is she putting her life in…

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In the sleepy village of Chipping Down, Dorset – on the English south coast – there is today a world first – all of their floodlights for their tennis courts are powered by faeces. Chipping Down LTC decided 2 years ago to do their bit for the environment, by investing over £700,000 in this new technology from Sweden. As we all know, faeces has enormous amounts of stored energy – and what better way to help the planet than by turning faeces into energy to play tennis at night. The system for turning faeces into electricity was developed by the…

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Question – G’day there WTF, I wanna know if I can put my dead cat to some good use, by using its guts to restring my tennis racquet. Let me know will ya. Cheers – Bruce from Melbourne. Answer – Hi there Bruce from “down under”. The answer is YES, here at the WTF we thoroughly recommend you use your dead cat’s guts for restringing, instead of buying some expensive synthetic tennis strings. We all have to do our bit to “save the planet” and if you can start recycling your dead cat, then you are helping to “save the…

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Yes, it is official – the number one choice of after tennis drinks with females is Pinot. This may shock some of you, as you might have thought most ladies would have opted for a bottle of champagne, but top level research by the WTF confirms that Pinot is the drink for the ladies “post tennis”. The WTF visited over 378 tennis clubs all over the world and sat down to have drinkies with regular female tennis players. Without asking what they wanted, over 68% of ladies rushed to the bar and ordered a bottle of Pinot once they came…

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If you watch the news this week you will see a news report that tells you “the murder rate is going up” – “knife crime is soaring” – “gun deaths is out of control”. Every week we are being told not to step outside our front doors, because we are most likely going to get killed by some deranged nutter. Well luckily there is one place on earth where you can go and the likelihood of getting killed is just about zero. That place is a tennis court. The World Tennis Federation census team contacted over 4 million tennis clubs…

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