Author: Admin

A patient at the Thunderberg General Hospital in Trontheim has recently come out of a coma after 244 days only to reveal she had a very long bad nightmare — she thought she was a tennis player with a bad forehand. Janice Goplin had been on a ventilator for 244 days after collapsing whilst eating fish and chips at home. Doctors did not think Janice would survive the ordeal. However, the mum of six children did not die — and as soon as she woke up, Janice started telling hospital staff about the very strange dream she had. Janice said…

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50% of tennis players who had a fling with someone at their tennis club says it improved their tennis game, research shows. Tennis players said their regular tennis game became exciting when there was the possibility of bumping into their lover. 95% of tennis players had a fling with someone of the opposite sex and 5% had a fling with someone of the same sex. The statistics emerged as the World Tennis Federation looked at new ways to improve tennis standards across the globe. Sex therapist Lizzie Ardant said: “Playing a long tennis match with someone you find attractive means…

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The World Tennis Federation has warned it is struggling to employ enough tennis umpires as many are leaving to earn more money working for hauliers as HGV drivers. Tennis clubs may be forced to abandon tennis matches as holding a tennis match without an approved WTF tennis umpire is illegal. The World Tennis Federation is also struggling to retain ball boys and girls as many of them have gone off to work part-time in fast food outlets, as the money is much better. Without trained WTF umpires and ball boys/girls – matches would have to be abandoned resulting in no…

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Police have closed off access to the Chipping Aston tennis club after they discovered a dead body next to the tennis courts. A large protective tent has now been set up adjacent to the tennis courts as the forensic investigation gets under way. Local speculation by tennis club members think it could possibly be the body of a dead female and it might have been rotting away slowly for “several months”. The body was found on Saturday afternoon when a tennis player called Hanna Janus left the court to retrieve a tennis ball she had shanked into the undergrowth. The…

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A tennis club in New Jersey has been forced to close earlier today and shut down its water supply after police identified crystal meth was in their water supply. A tennis player at the club was hit in the eye when a spurt of water containing crystal meth struck them. The tennis club in New Jersey remains shut and its water supply is still closed off, after a chunk of crystal meth came out of a tap and struck a tennis player in the eye earlier today. New Jersey police analysed the flying item and confirmed it was crystal-meth -…

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The World Tennis Federation went into panic mode today to help deal with the lack of tennis coaches following the United Kingdom’s decision to leave the European Union. The lack of Eastern European tennis coaches has resulted in scenes of panic where tennis players were block booking tennis lessons for the next 3 years in advance. Dr Emily Makepins, a professor of tennis at Chelmsford University, told the World Tennis Federation that the shortage of tennis coaches was “not surprising after Brexit as leaving the EU was a completely and moronic idea.” After Brexit day on 1st January 2020, tennis…

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Graham Biscuit, a disgruntled tennis player waged war of revenge on his ex-tennis club by damaging its tennis courts with bleach after he was kicked out of the tennis club. Graham Biscuit, 57, was livid after losing his tennis membership near Wendover in Buckinghamshire, England. The former merchant banker went ninja and put on a balaclava to launch a campaign of revenge on his ex tennis club – causing £10,000 worth of damage. Armed with an old 2 litre coke bottle full of bleach he poured the chemical onto the tennis courts at night, before he was caught by a…

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The Alaska tennis club contacted players yesterday about a ‘suspected infestation’ of tarantula spiders. Members of the tennis club contacted the World Tennis Federation stating that the decision to close the tennis club was ‘a load of diddly squat bull’. A tarantula spider’s bite is very painful, but it is not lethal – so it is very unlikely any tennis players would die. Tennis players have blasted the Alaska tennis club after stopping members from playing tennis due to a suspected outbreak of tarantula spiders. All 72 members of the tennis club were told to stay away today after the…

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A bar worker at a famous tennis club in Paris has told the World Tennis Federation what it was really like working at one of the top tennis clubs in the world. What she had to say was shocking. Sylvie Sloane told the WTF that she had left the exclusive tennis club in 2020 after working there for six years and says she has never been back since. Sylvie said: “If you want to go to THAT tennis club and eat there, that’s your choice, but I would not even take my horrible ex-boyfriend there. I saw far too much.…

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Millions of felons have had their criminal records wiped clean to try to help them get jobs as tennis coaches. Ex-criminals will no longer have to inform tennis clubs about their criminal pasts when they apply to become a tennis coach, under new World Tennis Federation rules. Any ex-con who has served more than 1 year in jail won’t have to say anything about how bad their history of crime was. However, if you have served less than 1 year in prison, you will still be required to tell tennis clubs about your crimes. This change in the rules is…

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