Author: Admin

The World Tennis Federation (WTF) have asked over 10,000 tennis players what they think of banks increasing interest rates and 100% have said they are delighted. This comes as a shock as it was assumed everyone thought interest rate rises were a bad thing – but no this is not the case. Most elderly tennis players who have paid off their mortgage are completely ecstatic that interest rates are rising month after month. Since the 2006 financial crash, which resulted in world banks starting to print money – also known as quantitive easing – interest rates have been at about…

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Tennis players are being warned about swearing on a tennis court, as this could land them with a massive fine of up to £10,000 World Tennis Federation experts say. Under the Tantrum Verbal Act 1989 any aggressive behaviour could be considered “very bad sport”. The act is capped at £10,000, but police could take as much as 99 per cent out of a tennis player’s weekly wage if they are caught swearing loudly whilst playing tennis. It isn’t just verbally swearing though that can lead to a big fine under the act, making rude gestures with your hands or fingers…

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A single woman has recalled her ‘worst first date’ ever, which she says ended up with her love interest taking her to hang out with his tennis buddies at his local tennis club. Then afterwards, he texted her with some weird messages. Caroline – a single woman – says she was left stunned after a first date with a man called Matt, she had met on the dating website Light My Fire went horribly wrong, with the evening ending at his tennis club with a group of his tennis mates. According to Caroline, the date started positively enough, with the…

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A racist health official has warned members of the public against going near people who play tennis, a day after the first ever case of tennispox was recorded. Talking from his local pub, the chief faux virus expert at the Centre for Controlling People (CCP) Mr Dan Paterson advised against “skin-to-skin contact with tennis players”. His comments drew controversy from other pub goers, with some saying he was “a bloody racist and a twat”. Similar racist comments scribbled in the pub toilets have since been painted over. This graffiti is believed to have also been written by Mr Paterson, but…

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Being WTF’s gay editor I have written over 33 million articles about gay men. Since I started working here at the WTF headquarters 6 months ago I have visited over 21 tennis clubs globally, sat through every tennis committee meeting, been on court, played a few tennis matches, met members and coaches. And so after all that effort I have never understood why gay men love tennis so much. So it got me thinking. At 8.31am yesterday as I stood on court number 1 at my local tennis club with my “straight friend Dominic who loves to play tennis loads”…

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From our reporter George Asphiligan in Australia. Today at 2.45pm Brendan O’Ness, also known locally as “The Muncher” – managed to finally eat 1000 tennis balls, breaking the previous world record by 999 tennis balls. Brendan, who lives in Willirousa in Queensland, Australia – took nearly 4 months to each 1,000 tennis balls – averaging 7 tennis balls a day (but none on Sundays). Brendan is being hailed by the local community of Willirousa as a true Australian hero. Down at the local pub there is now a shrine to Duncan in toilet number 3. So why did Brendan undertake…

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Following the fall of the Soviet Union, facts about Lenin and Stalin that were previously covered up are starting to be released. Most people in the Soviet Union never knew that Stalin and Lenin played tennis doubles together for 5 years, only stopping when Lenin died in 1924. The reason the truth about this unique tennis amazing doubles partnership was covered up, was it was seen as playing tennis was too “bourgeoisie” and did not fit in with the communist mantra that was being told to the Russian population. Stalin and Lenin were doubles club champions on several occasions at…

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A survey of over 4,000 women today, shows that men who double fault at tennis make better lovers. All of the 4,000 women were asked “Does your man double fault regularly at tennis” and “Do you think he is really good i bed” 76% said YES – they felt that there was a definite connection between the amount of orgasms they achieved and how many times their partner double faulted on court. Dr Herman Von Berlin from the Institute of Tennis Coordination in Kuala Lumpur, who undertook this survey said the results support his long held theory that “Men who double…

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A top 10 tennis player revealed to WTF officials that they took the psychedelic drug Nayahandso and it ‘paved the way’ to their successful 2021 tennis season where the tennis player won more WTF tennis tournaments, than any other player. This “unnamed” tennis player has sensationally revealed their use of psychedelic drugs ultimately led them to their ‘best ever season’ of their tennis career. The unnamed player, who finished in the top 10 WTF tennis rankings last season, has spoken out in recent years about their renewed passion for life and the sport of tennis. They believe using the psychedelic…

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Lily Teepless, 29, often ends up sleeping with men when she is playing tennis matches for her club. She’s opened up about why running around and getting sweaty makes her cheat, and why nothing will stop her from getting laid around the back of a tennis club house. Lily, from Bristol, confessed she has had ten flings over the last two years while playing mixed doubles tennis matches for her club. She loves using her hot sweaty body as an excuse to cheat so much that she dubs tennis matches as “shag matches”. Lily said: “I love mixed tennis matches…

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