Daniel Stevenson is the last member of ‘The loneliest tennis club’, which has no members (apart from Daniel), but the 39-year-old has made it clear he is not going to quit his tennis membership.
Daniel has refused to quit the Long Mumbles Tennis Club after splashing out £20 on a pair of new tennis trainers.
Property developers want to tear down Long Mumbles tennis club and turn it into a ‘well know fast food burger restaurant’.
Daniel Stevenson, 39, now has the luxury of no annoying tennis players on the court next to him after all other tennis members took a £10,000 payout to quit the tennis club last year, with 400 tennis members upping sticks and heading off to a new indoor tennis centre just down the road.
But not Daniel, he has decided to stay at Long Mumbles tennis club, despite the fact he has no one to play tennis with.
The 39-year-old claims that he has no friends, no girlfriend and no work mates – and that’s the way he likes it. Now he has a whole tennis club to himself and especially enjoys the fact there are no horrible children running around ruining his game of tennis.
Under the charter of the Long Mumbles tennis club, the property developers cannot move in until ‘every single member’ has quit their membership.
Daniel does admit that the tennis club is becoming a bit of an eyesore, with rubbish piled up on court 2, and with nobody to clean toilets, the tennis club is starting to look a bit crap.
Despite the impending demolition of the tennis club and several attempts to bribe Daniel to quit his membership, the stubborn moron has refused to quit and spends his time practising his serve.
Daniel said: “I have been working on my spin serve and it’s coming along nicely. It’s just a shame I don’t have anyone to hit the ball back to me, but I am getting used to that now.”
“If the developers really want me to quit they need to get in touch with me and offer me some more money and a regular supply of prostitutes. The last time I spoke to anyone from the property developers was last April, and they thought my demands were a joke. It’s absolutely true I do want more money and as i can’t get a girlfriend I would like to have sex with a callgirl from time to time.”
Daniel added: “When I found out I was going to be the last member at Long Mumbles tennis club I really did think that my chances of finding a girlfriend were gone forever, but thankfully my plan to get the property developers to supply me with prostitutes until I die is a better idea.”
When the World Tennis Federation contacted the property developers and asked if they were going to supply Daniel with a regular supply of prostitutes in return for him quitiing Long Mumbles tennis club – they replied “You have got to be joking. If that nutter doesn’t leave that tennis club soon he will be going into the River Thames with some concrete shoes.”
Do you know Daniel Stevenson?
If you do then we want to hear from you in the comments below. Is Daniel a sad lonely bastard who can’t get a girlfriend? Would you go to the pub with Daniel for a drink? If so let us know in the comments below.
Update Update
The WTF have not heard from Daniel since he was interviewed for this article four weeks ago. Does anyone know where he is? It appears as if Daniel has ‘suddenly disappeared’. If you do know where Daniel is, then please contact the World Tennis Federation immediately.
