World Tennis Federation
    Facebook Twitter Instagram
    Trending
    • I hate working in tennis ball factory
    • Massive earthquake – tennis clubs evacuated as enormous 6.69 earthquake threatens lives of tennis players
    • Why Is My Kid Not A Tennis Superstar?
    • Zombies start to play tennis
    • Can I Bring My Scary Dog To A Tennis Match
    • Leonardo Da Vinci Invented The Tennis Racket
    • Should I Play Tennis Or Watch The Oscar Nominated Film Roma?
    • World’s worst tennis club to close as ‘total chaos’ caused ‘too many complaints for police to handle’
    World Tennis Federation
    • News
    • Training
    • Disclaimer
    World Tennis Federation
    Home»News»Tennis floodlights powered by faeces
    News

    Tennis floodlights powered by faeces

    editorBy editorFebruary 20, 2023No Comments3 Mins Read
    Tennis floodlights powered by faeces
    Tennis floodlights powered by faeces

    In the sleepy village of Chipping Down, Dorset – on the English south coast – there is today a world first – all of their floodlights for their tennis courts are powered by faeces.

    Chipping Down LTC decided 2 years ago to do their bit for the environment, by investing over £700,000 in this new technology from Sweden. As we all know, faeces has enormous amounts of stored energy – and what better way to help the planet than by turning faeces into energy to play tennis at night.

    The system for turning faeces into electricity was developed by the Swedish company Norsekrapp, based in Malmo. Kristian Smaloops (the head of global technology) explained to WTF the technology of how to play tennis at night from poo.

    “For sure, you take loads and loads of poo and stick it in the Norsekrapp system. You can also add pee. This is very good also. Then you spin it round and round, many many times. Using the special Norsekrapp system, you then generate electricity for your tennis floodlights. And, there is no left overs. Eveything is gone.”

    So how much faecal matter do you need to power a tennis court at night?

    Kristian Smaloops replied “You need loads. For one hours floodlight tennis, you need about 300 people to go and have a shit”. Obviously the small tennis club of Chipping Down does not have enough members who shit this much. So we encourage anyone to come and have a shit at the tennis club to help save the planet.”

    Deirdre Smithers, head of the tennis committee at Chipping Down LTC told WTF – “Yes, we need loads of number ones and numbers twos to power the floodlights. However, it does not have to be human – it can come from any animal. We are encouraging local villagers to pick up any dog poo they might see in the village and bring it to us.”

    So has this faecal recycling system been a success?

    Deirdre Smithers replied “Not in the early days, we just did not have enough shit and piss to fill up the Norsekrapp system. But then, my son had a great idea and sent out a tweet asking people to send us their poo. Now we have enough poo for the floodlights to stay on for 3 to 4 hours at night.”

    But what about during the winter, when the nights are longer – do you have enough poo being sent to you?

    “Unfortunately not” said Deirdre “So if anyone out there wants to send us their poo or pee, it will be most gratefully received. Please just ensure you send it in a sealed jiffy envelope. The royal mail post get really annoyed when people send us shit in a paper envelope – it causes a hell of a mess at the local sorting office.”

    So do you encourage other tennis clubs to invest in the Norsekrapp system?

    “Yes, most definitely – if you want to save the planet, then buy one of these amazing Norsekrapp systems, you will be amazed about how good it makes you feel about the environment. And also eat more curry.”

     

     

     

     

     

     

    editor

    Related Posts

    I hate working in tennis ball factory

    May 24, 2023

    Massive earthquake – tennis clubs evacuated as enormous 6.69 earthquake threatens lives of tennis players

    May 23, 2023

    Zombies start to play tennis

    May 21, 2023

    Comments are closed.

    I love tennis – teddy bear
    I love tennis teddy bear
    I love tennis teddy bear
    FAQs

    Why Is My Kid Not A Tennis Superstar?

    May 22, 2023

    Can I Bring My Scary Dog To A Tennis Match

    May 20, 2023

    Should I Play Tennis Or Watch The Oscar Nominated Film Roma?

    May 18, 2023

    How easy is it to bribe a tennis umpire?

    May 12, 2023

    Do French people play tennis?

    April 16, 2023

    Can I Use My Dead Cat To Restring My Tennis Racquet

    April 13, 2023

    When you’re losing a tennis match blame your partner

    March 29, 2023

    How to identify psychopath tennis players

    March 27, 2023

    Do all sports massages come with a happy ending

    March 26, 2023

    Playing in high heels does not improve your tennis

    March 18, 2023
    Recent Posts
    • I hate working in tennis ball factory
    • Massive earthquake – tennis clubs evacuated as enormous 6.69 earthquake threatens lives of tennis players
    • Why Is My Kid Not A Tennis Superstar?
    • Zombies start to play tennis
    • Can I Bring My Scary Dog To A Tennis Match
    • Leonardo Da Vinci Invented The Tennis Racket
    • Should I Play Tennis Or Watch The Oscar Nominated Film Roma?
    • World’s worst tennis club to close as ‘total chaos’ caused ‘too many complaints for police to handle’
    • Amelia Earhart found playing tennis in England
    • Man lay dead in tennis club for a week before other tennis club members reported ‘foul smell’
    • 6 amazing tennis sex positions to achieve gigantic orgasms
    • Are you suffering from tennis vagina? Pseudo-expert reveals your noonoo can suffer if you wear tight knickers
    • How easy is it to bribe a tennis umpire?
    • NEW WTF Tennis Rating System
    • Tennis players warned swearing while on court could land them a fine of £10,000
    • Children are in danger every time they go to play tennis, warns concerned daddy
    • Most Female Tennis Players Drink Pinot
    • 95% Of Wealthy Tennis Players Suffer From Liberal Guilt
    • Tennis made me go blind
    • Top 10 tennis player says taking psychedelic drugs led to best tennis season of career
    • Month long tennis coach strike brings chaos to Long Mumble tennis club, forcing members to stay at home
    • New Pill To Improve Your Tennis Game Could Be A Game Changer
    • Tennis players face permanent tennis ball shortages warns tennis industry experts
    • Stalin And Lenin Tennis Doubles Champions
    • Canadian Cannabis Tennis Tournament
    • Men who double fault at tennis make better lovers
    • Seriously ill patient wakes up from 244 day coma in which she thought she was a tennis player with a bad forehand
    • Tennis club forced to kill rats with guns as plague sweeps across every tennis court
    • Masturbating is the fast cure for tennis elbow
    • Tennis Rule 69F No Kissing Until End of The Match
    • Shortage of tennis umpires could leave tennis players unable to play competitive matches
    • Most Tennis Players Mobile Phone PIN Is 1234
    • 100 police offiers have been slightly injured during anti tennis demonstrations
    • Anti tennis protesters storm WTF headquarters
    • Do French people play tennis?
    • 12 to 15 Year Olds To Receive Mandatory Tennis Lessons
    • Tennis to be banned in USA
    • Can I Use My Dead Cat To Restring My Tennis Racquet
    • I’m A Tennis Psychologist – Five Phrases You Should Never Say To Your Tennis Partner
    • Breaking News 100% of Tennis Players are Not Racist
    • Crisis of tennis clubs fire safety regulations breaches
    • Disgruntled tennis player who was banned from his local tennis club in row with committee poured bleach on tennis courts in revenge attack that caused £10,000 worth of damage
    • PLAY HARD GET LAID HARD Having an affair at your tennis club improves your tennis game
    • ROTTING body found at tennis club as police probe this “weird death”
    • Parents fury at tennis academy “like army camp” for banning pupils from toilet during tennis lessons
    • Shortage of tennis coaches in the UK all due to Brexit expert says
    • Winning Tricks Distract Your Opponent With Your Good Looking Girlfriend
    • Tennis club CLOSED due to SPIDERS frustrated tennis players blast head coach as 72 members forced to stay home at short notice after suspected tarantula outbreak
    • Ex-worker reveals secrets of bar working at exclusive tennis club in Paris and says she’ll never work there again after seeing horrible things
    • Do you know what WTF stands for? Tennis fans are only just finding out – and they are amazed!
    © 2023 World Tennis Federation.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.